bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
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Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
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I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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