So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
