Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
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