maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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