she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize