i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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