Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize