I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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