You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My bed smells like the plague
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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