my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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