be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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