So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
