hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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