Apparently you make a good broom.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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