so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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