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I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
id be glad to
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
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