u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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