so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
