I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
