i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
