This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
