Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
