The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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