It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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