I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
