i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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