I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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