I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
