How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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