no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.