i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
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shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
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Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.