Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.