Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch