Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
