I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
