i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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