I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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