So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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