I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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