dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
