He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize