Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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