i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
