He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
