I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Boobs speak an international language.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
