You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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