I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
