my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize