So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
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At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize