My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
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I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
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He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
We smell like vodka and hangover
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