My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.