This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future