Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
