I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
