Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
